Band 6 essay sample: restaurant calorie labels.
Read the Band 6 essay on restaurant calorie labels, then a note on each criterion and one change that would make it stronger.
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- Band 6 from our checker
- 260 words
- Opinion Task 2 type
What the opinion question asks.
Restaurants should be legally required to publish calorie information for every dish on the menu. To what extent do you agree?
A Band 6 essay.
Nowadays, a lot of people eat outside in restaurants and cafes almost every day, especially in big cities. Some people believe that showing the calories of each dish on the menu should be obligatory for all restaurants. In my opinion, I completely agree with this idea and I think it can help people to make healthier choices.
Firstly, the most important reason is the health of customers. Many people today are overweight and they do not have enough informations about their food. For example, a pasta dish in a restaurant can have more than double calories of the same dish at home, but customers have no idea. If restaurants write the calories next to every dish, people can compare them and choose the lighter one. Moreover, people on a diet can control their weight easily, they do not need to guess anymore. This is very important because obesity cause many serious deseases like diabetes and heart problems.
Secondly, calorie labels will make restaurants more transparent and responsible. When the owners know that customers can see the calories, they will not exaggerate with sugar and oil. Moreover, it is also good for the government and it will spend less money for hospitals.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that showing calories on menus is a good law, for health and also for economical reasons. It helps customers to choose better food, and it helps the restaurants to improve their dishes too. So this law is good for everyone. If more countries will follow this idea, people will be healthier in the future.
Band 6 essay, criterion by criterion.
Each band is the one our checker gave. Underlined in the essay: the words each note quotes.
- Task ResponseBand 6
- The answer agrees with the law in the opening paragraph and keeps this opinion to the end. The health idea has a reason and an example about a pasta dish, but the idea about the government is only named. The other side, such as the cost for small restaurants, is never looked at.
- Coherence and CohesionBand 6
- The plan is easy to follow, with Firstly, Secondly and In conclusion. Moreover starts sentences in both body paragraphs, so the linking feels mechanical. The point about the government is added at the end of a paragraph, with no link to the ideas before it.
- Lexical ResourceBand 6
- The answer uses everyday topic words, and "calories" comes back many times. Some less common words work well, like "transparent", but "exaggerate" is the wrong word for using too much sugar and oil. There are also slips such as "economical reasons" and "deseases".
- Grammatical Range and AccuracyBand 6
- Most sentences are simple or joined with and, with a few if and because clauses. Many sentences have an error, for example "obesity cause" and "informations". In the part about people on a diet, a comma joins sentences that should be separate.
One change that makes this essay stronger.
Moreover, it is also good for the government and it will spend less money for hospitals.
Moreover, if fewer people were overweight, hospitals would treat fewer serious illnesses and the government would save money.
The idea is now explained, not just named.
Write your own essay on this question.
Get a band for each criterion, every mistake fixed, and your essay rewritten at your target band.
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